In the process of choosing everyone else, I had loss me. Some of it was due to life circumstances and others was by my own choice. I was imprisoned deep within my own soul. Deep inside of me I knew that I had a voice but forgot how to use it. I knew I had potentials but remain silent. I had opportunities come by that I let go because I didn’t know how to choose me. I allow fear and lack of confidence get the best of me. It was much easier for me to choose others and see the greatness in them than in myself.
My inner voice in my head held me hostage to the point that I forgot how valuable I was, and what great contribution that God created in me to be for his Glory and for the world. I thought it would be better for me to down play who I was because others were uncomfortable. So, I hide behind the smile and accepted whatever life had given me. I didn’t realize that I had more control over my life and the thoughts that I entertained. In Proverb 18:21, it states that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Whatever you speak and believe about yourself will manifest. If you believe your less than and you can’t do anything right, then that will be the fruit of your life. However, if you speak life into yourself and believe in yourself then no matter what you face, you will find the courage and the strength to keep moving forward.
The journey of deep pain and failure was lonely but interrupted my life in the most incredible way. At first I was afraid because it required me to change. It demanded me to speak up for me. I no longer could be passive aggressive and be all right. I had to choose me. I learned to be okay with not being understood, and therefore others opinion of me started to fade away. This new way awakens my soul and reveal to me just how much I had lack self-love. The two greatest commandments that God gave us was in Mark 12:30-31, He told us to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’. Basically, I can only love others by first loving myself.
I want to encourage someone whose reading this today to choose you and believe in yourself. Appreciate how God uniquely made you. Love your flaws and celebrate your strength. You are important, and the world need your voice and your contribution. Don’t give up on yourself and keep moving forward no matter what life circumstances bring your way. Do not compare yourself to anyone else but you. Trust in God and know that He truly love you and will not leave you even when you don’t understand and don’t have the answers. I’ve been listening to this amazing and self-improvement woman name Lisa Nichols, and she has blessed my soul so much. One of the lesson she spoke about and I started to implement in my own life was looking at myself in the mirror daily and telling myself that I am enough, I am confident, and I am committed to be the best me that I can.
Personal growth is painful and often time a lonely process. My personal change started with God. I knew He was doing something inside my heart, and I had to trust Him with the process and not look for any other validation. I had to open my heart to Him and become honest and vulnerable with Him and myself by confessing that I was a sinner and a mess. I had to face my own reality and address the sins of my own heart. I had to create an environment where I meet with Him daily through prayer, confession, and meditation. I had to come to the end of myself and realized I could not rescue myself. I needed the helper, the one He promise to me all alone, The Holy Spirit. However, I had to act too. Faith without works is dead. So, I listen to different sermon daily that pertain to where I am and wrote down notes.When the opportunity come for me to act upon what I’ve learned I do just that. I am also listening to self-improvement podcast, YouTube, reading books, and etc. God will do the work in us to change us, but we must also put in the work too. It’s a team effort. To be honest, I am still learning this new person I am transitioning into every day. More and more I am becoming more comfortable with her and exciting to see what good work God will complete in her. It’s a journey and I am so humble and grateful to do with GOD, and to share it with you.